| why? |
[21 Aug 2005|02:30am] |
why is it that i cant just forget about stupid things that dont matter...That is my new resolution. I have to accept that its okay if i dont get alot with absolutely everyone. letting yourself get run over just really blows up in your face. I never used to let people do that. I dont think im going to anymore.
on a happier note....I saw the worlds smallest tabasco sauce bottle last night. Whit and Shannon and I went to dans and I found it. Im sad that I forgot to take it. Shannon and I also beat these jerks who seem to hate all women at beer pong. Then Tonight I made whit and christine watch I heart huckabees, I forgot how weird that movie is. But so funny.
MSU in 3 days...SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited, because i love my friends, and becasue whitney should transfer and come there
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| workkkkkinnngg |
[15 Aug 2005|12:53pm] |
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back to msu in 8 days...thank goodness. I wish I could have one more week at home without work though. That would be great. I cannot handle working here any longer. Im actually working overtime trying to be responsible and actually put money in the bank. I keep thinking I'm like that sex in the city episode where Carrie spends all her money on clothes and shoes and cant pay for her apartment. I really need to become more money responsible. Im wondering if I will end up with a job at school this year. I really want to tutor...hmmm. So Canada was fun. A little annoying that it rained, but we got over it. Ally and I got all excited about moving back in. College is probably the most relaxed period in our lives. Living with your best friends, eating dinner with them everyday, always someone there at 2 in the morning when your stressed. you're independent but your parents still kind of support you. Its definatly a time im determined to live to the fullest. Who has time to waste on drama or insults when life can be that good? not me. I think its the point when we have to live and let live. let people be who they are and be ourselves. I think Ive spent too much time judging and being judged. Worrying about people that shouldn't have really mattered to me in the first place. Hold the people you connect with close and love them and let them love you. The people that dont really know you arent an issue. You wont remember them in a few years. The definition of a person is not in what they do, but who they are. We are humanbeings, not human doings. The true character of a person can be seen in their relationships with the people they care about. Its about how they treat the ones they love. Thats what makes up a person, not the little triumphs or even mistakes, those wont matter in the end. So be with the people that really matter to you and do the things you love. I've learned alot about that this summer and I dont think Ive ever been more content. Sometimes growing means losing some of your illusions, but I think, in the end, Id rather have whats real. Its not worth it to pretend. Real can be beautiful if you can appreciate what you have and stop focusing on what you want
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| ;) |
[03 Aug 2005|03:11pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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Incubus on my ipod :) |
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I am at work...and typing in this. Somehow that has to be bad? This place is killer, If I have to file one more policy I will scream. I also have to work at Olgas tonight...at least that can be fun. Im so ready to go back to school, partly just because I swear I would rather write a paper than be here. Im not kidding. The only thing keeping me from tearing out my hair is that today was really laid back. AAA always has events, I swear I work at office space. We even have flair and memos. Anyways today was movie day from 10-1 and Lo and I got paid 10 dollars an hour to watch friends episodes and eat popcorn because Kathy had us running it. Soooo nice. If only I was better at saving money....Laura came over last night, that was fun :). I miss everyone from school. But it has been really nice to see my friends from home. Especially since this is probably the last summer i will have with some of them. I just seriously hate this placeeeeeeee. Im going to stop being negative and pretend to do work for the next five minutes. then sneak out 5 min early...I am a horrible office worker. I will never ever ever have a normal desk job, I am too add.
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| ;) |
[18 Jun 2005|12:50pm] |
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music |
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fast cars and freedom- rascal flats |
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Finally summer is as it should be. This is partly beacuse I have accepted that working a ton is just my job, and partly because whit is home :). So nice to have that at least be the same as always. Work is getting better too, I no longer hate it, just dislike it. I went to ann arbor yesterday to see laura and ally for dinner, that was nice. Then watched swingers with allie and her friend and andy...let me just say its a bad movie....really long with hardly any plot. My mom was yelling at me today about being a pushover...and I think in some ways shes right. I always stand by my ideas and thought...but i dont stand up for myself. I will work at my friendships no matter what. Which is a good thing and a bad thing. I let people treat me like crap and never say anything.I know I could say it would change...but it probably wont. My sister had a birthday party yesterday and got the rascall flats cd...so I am happy. Anyways today should be a good one. I cant believe all the people graduating this year. It feels like its hasnt been long enough. I still feel like Im way to young to be going into another year of college. Anyways time to go for a run since my breakfast was definately cake and ice cream :)
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| so tired |
[05 Jun 2005|03:41pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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music |
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Alive before you |
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cedar point was so fun. It was so nice to see you guys. I have no clue what I want to do today...Im supposed to be cleaning my room so the carpet people can finally put the carpet down...but its so messy that it depresses me to start. Plus Im running out of clothes to wear to work, so I need to do laundry. I want a job where I can wear jeans. Its so nice outside today. I dont want it to rain. I had the weirdest dream last night. I was in this huge room, and all of the girls from 5th hour vocal were there, but i couldnt talk to any of you....it was so strange. Then people started fighting...which isnt weird considering all the fights there used to be. I miss that class. I was thinking about how weird transitions are. high school to college, college to home. And Im sure it will be strange to go back. I think the best way to look at is to just take everything as it comes and try to enjoy it all. Everything just takes a little getting used to. Be your own person and live in yourself. Then you can take the happiness you have with you. I knowt thats pretty cliche. but i also think its true.
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[30 May 2005|12:55am] |
Sorry I stole this from ya shannon...I was way bored
20 friends(not in any order)
01. Sarah
02. Becky
03. Whit
04. Andy
05. Michelle
06. Drew
07. Tony
08. Shannon
09. Laura
10. Kevin
11. Ally
12. Allie
13. Matt
14. Ryan
15. Mel
16. Harry
17. missy
18. Brady
19. tulica
20. Jules
A.who is # 8 going out with?: nope...
B.Is #9 a girl or boy? : a girl
C.Would #11 and #2 make a cute couple? : not so much
D.How about #18 and #4? : again...no.
E.What grade is #17 in? : sophmore
F.When was the last time you talked to #12? : today
G.What is #6's favorite band? : something that involves musical theatre
H.Does #1 have any siblings? : two
I.Would you ever date #3? : well she is my favorite person, but no
J.Would you ever date #7? : lol...
K.Is #16 single? : yes
L.What's #15's last name? : Blair
M.What's #5's middle name? : Im pretty sure its lee?
N.What's #10's fantasy? : something involving a rope and dance camp...(just playing)
O.Would #14 and #19 make a good couple? : if tuli was single
P.What school does #20 go to? : wayne state
Q.Tell me a random fact about #11? : she once chased with ice cream
R.And #1: shes has lost of "kinky socks"
S.And #3: she likes to rub....um your back
T.And #2: we once put dried fruit in a toilet...
U.Have you ever had a crush on #16? : nope
V.Where does #9 live? : ann arbor
W.What's #4's favorite color? : i think its blue
X.Would you makeout with #14? : i dont think his girlfriend would love me anymore
Y.Are #5 & #6 best friends? : well mich is , and drew is her boyfriend and other half, so kinda
Z.Does #8 like #19? : loves her
a.Does #10 have any pets? : a dog i think...wow i could be wrong
b.Is #12 older than you? : by 3 months
c.Give #13 a hug. : did today
d.Is #17 the sexiest person alive? : she knows it
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[28 May 2005|06:29pm] |
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mood |
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content |
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music |
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you and me |
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So its most likely nothing...im getting it checked out and ill know for sure on thursday. Im trying not to worry about it. SO work is getting alot better. The girls I work with are pretty cool, and we have fun. I hung out with some random people last night. It was pretty fun though. I cannot tell you how much i miss east lansing right now. Im excited for whit to come home though. I dont really know how much Ill get to see her though. thats life though. Laura is driveing up here tonight and were gonna chill, i miss her so much. Went to senate for lunch/dinner with shannon today. Im still so full. I wanna go for a run. but im not sure how my stomach would handle that right now. Im guessing not too well. I love when random people totally brighten your day...thanks kev. That phone call was amazing.
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| scared |
[26 May 2005|12:03am] |
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I was just about to fall asleep tonight when i found a lump. I kinda laughed at myself, cuz i figured i was overreacting and as usual, there was nothing wrong. Anyways, i knew I wouldnt be able to fall asleep til my mom looked at it. And she was like "well get you in tommorow". I know is probably nothing. but i can't help being a little, or a lot scared. I mean breast cancer doesnt run in my family, so its really unlikely that I could have it now, but Im just freaking out a little bit right now. Like im gonna fall asleep, or be able to concentrate at work tomarrow. and im so mad at myself for freaking out like this. I know a lot of girls who have had lumps that ended up just being cists or a muscle know. But still...im scared. Im being a huge baby right now and I keep crying. I should not freak out until i have a reason.Im gonna call whit
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[22 May 2005|01:27pm] |
mmmm breakfast with tony and allie was so good. I think I ate more bacon than humanly possible...
- my dad comes home yesterday with a kayak(sp?) on top of the car. my mom just looks at him and dad simply says "I wanted it" and puts it in the garage...weird. How random is that?
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[18 May 2005|12:26am] |
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mood |
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 groggy |
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music |
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first day of my life |
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Did you ever want something so badly you were willing to give up your self-respect for it? I almost did. When I was running today it just hit me how stupid I was being. I wont be. even if it means giving up what I want. Because I realize I cant give up who I am for something I want. I almost let myself believe things simply because its what I wanted to think. Im a little ashamed of myself. I know who I am. Im not losing sight of that again. Because making small sacrifices now...will be worth it in the end.
on a lighter note...on the way home from michelles I saw a spider in my car...then it climbed off the dashboard and I had no idea where it went. I kept telling myself not to freak out...but it was reallllyyy hard not to. Then i felt it in my shoe ( dont know if it was really there) and I called whit screaming and i am glad it was so late becasue otherwise i probably would have hit someone...
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| just one sec |
[15 May 2005|04:33pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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lucky boys confusion |
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I do not want to start working tomarrow. at all. I am so tired right now that all I can think about doing is sleeping. Tony's coming over soon and were gonna rent a movie, in other words, i will sleep while there is a movie on. I went to see whit on friday, that was fun, made me miss her more though. Im not putting on real clothes. I love my sweats. and stitch. While we were in k-zoo, whit and christine and I went in this abandoned church. it was so pretty...the acoustics were amazing. so we messed around and sang really high. I forgot how cool it is to have your voice all around you. I really think if I dont sing next year I might just die. Its so crazy that something I thought I hated I miss so much. Allie comes home today!!! I cannot wait. Its so weird. there are just some people that you never lose a connection with. like no matter how long im apart from, allie or sarah (who i hung out with last night :) or whit, it just picks up right where it left off. Then with other people, I feel that just a few weeks away from them can weaken a relationship. Its strange to see how you have changed. Im having this weird out of body analyzing experience and it is very confusing. I cant really get a handle on where my life it. I mean I know I do crazy things, but for the most part my life, the core of it anyways, is really very well thought out. right now, im not getting that. Im simply confused. my whole life seems to be getting away from me, but the thing is. im not freaking out. Im just letting it play out. I kinda feel like im watching it. I feel like a different person from last year at this point. capa and all that stuff seems like a different world. but im gonna stop thinking now, tony's here....
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| mmmm |
[11 May 2005|12:58pm] |
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mood |
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content |
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music |
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wicked |
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good things about summer
- hummus
- bathing suits
- puppy chow
- flip flops
- sitting around in soffe shorts til 5
- good books
- hanging out with really random people
- sleeping
- camping trips
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| home |
[08 May 2005|11:48am] |
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mood |
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 giddy |
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music |
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Hairspray :) |
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So home...I was really weirded out at first. Now things are falling back into place. I went to Wendy's going away party yesterday...I havent rollerbladed in forever...but it was so fun. It was really nice to see michelle and drew too. When I got home friday dad and I went running..fun. Then we saw kingdon of heaven which was not really as good as expected. I didn't really connect with any of the characters, plus they made orlando bloom's character out to be a complete saint...and who likes that? hung out with tony and dan last night...frozen cappicinos, so good. Tony and I went out to breakfast this morning, I had to be home by eight. I was so tired. My mom really wanted us to come to church today, and as much as I didnt want to go, I decided I would to make her happy. That is I was going to until I could not find my car keys. So Jess Ariel and I cleaned the house for mom. Um...it didnt really go so well. It took us almost an hour simply to locate the cleaning supplies(this is a tribute to how often I clean). Then Cody dropped a whole cheesecake on the kitchen floor...nice. Out family is not capable of cleaning...Jess and I got the giggles and couldnt stop laughing for about an hour. Its kinda nice to be home :). Oh, Im going to visit whit this weekend, so does anyone want to come see macbeth with me on thursday?
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| its early |
[26 Apr 2005|09:03am] |
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mood |
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calm |
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Today looks promising. got out of my eight o clock an hour early. My Prof loved my honors option, which I was really scared about since some of the diction was really graphic. Its so nice to be able to write about whatever I want without someone censoring me. She told me it was a breath of fresh air. Just have to remember stuff like that on the days when I feel I have no talent. Wouldnt it be amazing to be a writer and simply sit and do what you love all day. Maybe thats what I want? Mich and Andy and Drew are goingt to Chicago this weekend to visit Marc. Sigh, I really wish I could go. Oh well. I guess at least this way I will study alot for finals. I really cannot believe we are going home in less than two weeks. Crazy. I am gonna miss everyone here alot. But I cant wait to see all my girls again. Plus I miss my sisters alot. When people say they are an only child, I always feel sad for them. Simply because I loved and still love growing up with my family in my house. I love that its crazy and loud and we fight. I like that our house is always a little bit messy because it gets lived in. That my parents are still goofy enough to throw food at each other. I really hope my family is like that. Well Im gonna take this extra hour and sleep. way to be productive
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| yeah |
[25 Apr 2005|02:02am] |
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| mhmm |
[22 Apr 2005|02:18pm] |
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mood |
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 apathetic |
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music |
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Be my little baby |
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I dont know why, but I still cannot stop thinking. Im really hoping this is almost over because it hurts my brain. Figured some things out all the same. Learn your lesson. yeah right. Who actually learns their lesson? You make a mistake and will immediately repeat it if you believe the end result may be different. every once in a while maybe just maybe it will be. For the most part however, history repeats itself. If your life is a series of repetitions...what is the point? How is that any life beyond existence? We all are so good at recognizing flaws...saying "I always do this". But then we use this as justification to repeat the same mistake. perhaps life is not about avoiding mistakes...but about avoiding the repetition of these mistakes. Maybe its about making new mistakes. Well I think its about time I looked at myself and stopped making the same mistake. My dad came up for dinner today and we talked about a lot of stuff. basically the same things that have been going through my mind. It was nice to have a discussion with someone who can call my crap. Its been a while.
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| weird |
[20 Apr 2005|02:45am] |
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contemplative |
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the luckiest- ben folds |
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ever have one of those days that just kinda hits you and you start thinking? I have had three of them in a row and it would be really great if I could just turn my brain off now. I was unable to fall asleep, and heaven forbid I actually do homework, I read old journals last night. It is amazing how we as people change. I look at the things I used to think were important and am shocked at how I have changed. I was thinking back to a certain person...who told me that I was too happy to be real. Looking back at that I have to say, you are wrong. Just because I dont burden others with my issues ( by other im excluing Whit and my mom-- they get an earful), doesnt mean I dont have them. I just dont see the point in living my life concerned with all the things that could possibly be wrong. Yes some things in life suck. but I choose not to focus on them. Just because I dont let every other person on the street into my personal life does not make me closed off. I just think trust and respect should be handed out like they dont matter. Despite what my parents continually tell me, respect is something a person has to earn. I mean, obviously we need to respect people's feelings. But I just would rather know a person before I give them information that makes me vulnerable to them...does this make sense? Maybe this is the reason my closest friends remain my closest friends. I let them in. and they stay in, because I know I can trust them with nothing short of my life. unfortunately once in a while, someone gets in that sucks...and I deal with that when it comes, and I just have to say that those are growing experiences. Pain really sucks, but I think better to feel than to be numb. Ive been trying to be safe and stick with what I know is safe. But to tell the truth, I dont think I like safe, or maybe Im not ready for it. I dont understand how I always end up in this cycle. Im trying to change it, but I dont know how. I thought at first that I was scared of being safe, but I dont think it scares me, I think it bores me. I deserve the lecture of my life...I know this. I know Im wrong. So the question? Do you force yourself to do what is right? Or do you take a risk on being wrong for the ten trillionth time. I honeslty think Im running out of chances to be wrong. I guess Im addicted to feeling. I want everything to be passionate and deep, and I dont want simple and happy. This is unhealthy? I think yes. If onlt I could be content with happy and simple. But weirdly enough that leaves me unsatisfied. I think I might just need help? I know that my friends see me continually screwing up and its become like the group joke...but in a way its a part of who I am right now? Can being pulled to things that are bad for you be a part of you? Oh well...maybe one day one of the things that are bad for me will be the best thing for me...or is that me trying to justify my bad habits? Im going to do homework and focus on something else.
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[16 Apr 2005|07:56pm] |
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I love my sister so much... I just have to say...jessica I am so proud of you. For learning so many things. I love that you wont let people treat you badly anymore. You care so much about the people around you, and you are sooooo smart. Plus ur beautiful(and im not just saying that cuz we look alike). Your personality is so alive and fun. Im so glad that you are my sister...mush mush. Anyways I love you and I love watching the person youre becoming...because she is pretty amazing
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| come back sun |
[07 Apr 2005|06:12pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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music |
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fever- tay charles and natalie cole |
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I want it to be nice out again!! Im so sad that it got colder, oh well. Guess what?? I think Im gonna get that internship I was dying for. I have to go home next tuesday for the interview, bring in some writing samples, I just have no clue what to bring in. But its all good, I know its not very man people's idea of fun to sit and read all day, but it sure is mine. Im getting sad that the year is going to be over. Summer is gonna be fun, and its awesome that I will get to see everyone, but, at the same time, I will miss it here soooooo much. I never thought I would ever be as happy as I was at home, but I am. So I guess I just have the best of both worlds :). Ohhh tonight is OC night. I think the only going out night for this weekend will be saturday, just because I need to chill. Tony is coming up tomarrow. Another friend Im excited to see all the time this summer. Plus unfortunately I have alot of work to do. Im drinking the other half of lauras gatorade...hope she doesnt mind..hehe. I sort of cleaned to day, now im nagging laura to take out the garbage, well see if that happens...
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[04 Apr 2005|01:56am] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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music |
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why walk when you can fly |
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Long weekend, a little crazy but fun.I had so much homework to do last night. I was up really late, resulting in a twenty minute debate with myself about wether or not to go to class this morning. My responsible side won and I went. Feng has a toothache so I dont have to tutor today, which is nice, although I feel bad for her. My honors option paper is depressing me, everytime I write some of it I get sad. Lauras mom mailed that nora roberts book and its calling my name...Unfotunately so is all my homework. I think tony might come up to visit me this weekend which would be sweet, I miss that boy! Anyways..time to get to it
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